A chaotic decision

It’s nearly been a year since I made a choice to walk down a road without him. I convinced myself I could do all I wanted to do, alone. Somehow he was the only thing holding me back from being able to travel and move up in my career. Realistically the only thing holding me back from anything was my negative mindset and inability to blame myself.

He is normal twentysomething guy with a strong personality, desire to know all there is about technology and innovation and has a unique music taste. He has many friends. He is renowned for his ability to have fun. He teaches himself something new every day. He spent time on us. He sacrificed what he could for us to be happy. He truly loved me once upon a time.

We had been together for a few years and were fortunate enough to  share the experience of university and life on the farm. He lived in another city to me for a year and then worked in another city for another year. He came and spent most weekends with me. When university came to an end we moved in together twenty minutes from the city to live life on a farm. He was a dairy farmer and I moved into my role of communications and events in the city. Some would say we were set up well to start a family. Some would say we were set up for failure.

I would blame life on the farm for my unhappiness. The farm definitely wasn’t for me. I put it in my head that he wasn’t willing to move back into the city, even though he was. I blamed him for my uncertainty –  I wasn’t willing to let him help me through it.  One day, I gave up.

December last year I made the decision to let go of the one guy in my life who persevered with me through university. I made my decision in a time where I was unsettled. Through the chaos in my mind I decided to leave all we had, and him.

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The first month was fine. Okay, it hadn’t sunk in properly. Two months in and boom emotions came out of nowhere. I was definitely by myself. My levels of motivation dropped significantly. My levels of confidence hit ground bottom. What had I possibly done? I had burnt a bridge and it was not going to repair itself any time soon.

I did not become a new person as people say you do – I just ran with life as it came. Some days I would cry. Some days I would laugh. Some days I would socialise. Some days I ran away. Some days I over achieved and others I would do the minimum. Turns out the next few months was really just one roller coaster ride I could not wait to be over.

I wanted to message him – he didn’t want to talk to me. .
I wanted to fix what I broke- no glue will put the pieces together the way they were.
I wanted him back- I was just feeling lonely.

Seven months later….

Today, I am fine. I don’t message him. I still care for him.
I have grown up. I am less selfish. I am happy.
I know he is happy without that girl I was and who I never want to be again.

Today, he is well. He doesn’t message me. I am sure he will care for me again one day.
He has grown up. He remains selfless. He is happy.
He knows he is happier without the girl I was back then.

I am still unsure what drove me to think I could do all without him or that I needed to leave him to ‘find myself’ – If I gave him the time to talk we may have gone further. I wanted more than I could even articulate. I wanted something I didn’t even know myself.

Bridget x 

 

 

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Driving your career forward

Have you ever been told by a lecturer at university that when you leave you will get a job in your desired field of study, 50-70 grand a year and a manager who takes the time to mentor you into a young professional? I was.

I was with the bulk majority who leave university with piling debt and no real direction as to what next. I was one in the thousands every year who leave with hope that a rewarding job finds them.

I applied for twenty jobs and did not hear back from any. I tried again a couple of months later and failed. I would get an interview and fail once again. Eventually I just gave up. It did not matter if I had awesome grades and a friendly, outgoing personality – its more than that in this fast paced, competitive economy. Employers want to know what you can bring to their organisation they do not currently have. Of course you google what it is they do, come up with some great idea/s around what it is you could bring to the table but if you do not have a plan from start to end with contingencies in mind you are no match for them.

“You can’t get a job because you don’t have experience” is a phrase you will hear all to often. “I can’t get experience because I can’t get a job” is what you will replay in your head.

Lets take it back to university… how important is the effort you put in to getting experience whilst at university? SO important! You observe and learn from others who have experience in a particular field. You learn what worked and what did not, question why, how and why not? This will separate you from the bulk majority. Developing networks is another key piece of advice I give to you because people know people who know of opportunities. This will separate you from the majority. Put yourself in the drivers seat of your own success. If you want that job, go for it. If you are not successful, ask the recruiting manager what it would take to be successful. This will separate you from some. Get involved in what you are passionate about- community events, fundraising events, culture, arts, music, business and innovation competitions. This will separate you from a few. Take a chance! This may mean moving cities, changing lifestyles, changing…you. Ensure you align your mindset with determination to create your own success and… accept that it may take you time to step up the ladder but you will get there. Stick it out!

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When I left university I created my first job in communications and events. I was using my degree, yes, but bound to a fixed term contract on $17 a hour. I was left to be autonomous and while I was more than capable at this, I failed. I forgot to ask for help and learn the ‘right from the wrong’ and as a result many of my outputs were only half achieved. I left this job in June 2015 and moved into my second job from university as a personal assistant/ recruitment coordinator. I am using my degree, bound to a permanent contract and  on $27 a hour. I have a manager who spends time listening to my questions and works with me to find the answer. I am autonomous and more than capable to deliver achievable outputs. How did I get here? I kept driving in the right direction.

If you ask the right questions, put in the effort, ask for more, learn and develop your skills in more than just your field of work I can guarantee your peers and leaders will respect you. Over time you will develop a well established brand and a reputation. If you go with what you think is right, stick with what you know and do not find the opportunities to grow yourself you become stuck.

Keep asking for more. Keep trying. Keep driving forward.

Bridget x