The real impact of a organisational restructure

I’ve only ever written about this in my studies and while an essay offers different perspectives and ways of working with change it does not prepare you for the reality of the actual impact it has.

Restructure: bringing a drastic or fundamental internal change that alters the relationships between different components or elements of an organisation or system.

About a year ago a new CEO was brought on  and is now working to ‘change the way we work so we are better prepared for the future’. Our old organisational structure was a complete mess and it is fair to say that we have WAY to many people in leadership roles. I am sure I heard someone say the other day that over 200 people are either in a managerial or leadership role.

I totally agree with this. When I first started it was brought up in my first coaching session ‘do you want to look to leadership one day’ and I remember thinking why would I want to do the same thing everyone else is doing? It goes to show today that our previous CEO worked hard to develop our people into leadership. This has made redesigning our organisational structure a difficult task.

There is no way that they could make anyone redundant – especially in a election year being a government agency and all. BUT they have flattened the structure and disestablished managerial roles they don’t see bring ‘value’ to our organisation going forward. People who don’t hold a senior manager role have been ‘mapped’ to a team and a reporting line that allows us to work as ‘one agency’ and rids our silos. For the roles which have been disestablished the people attached to those roles have been through an expressions of interest process. It has been a very uncertain time and a waiting game.

In the process of expressions of interest people can give their preference to one- four roles within the new structure and are asked to do some insane psychometric testing that evaluates their strategic thinking and leadership ability. The few weeks following this become the longest waiting game of their life. They cannot determine whether they will hear today, tomorrow or next week. They finally hear either via the phone or via email on what role they have been given. It is up to them if they want to accept this or not…. They can say no, that is in their right but due to the organisation offering them a role they cant legally ask for redundancy #strategic if you ask me! They then have the hardest decision yet to either take the role they were given in hope it will make them happy to look for other work.

I currently manage our recruitment process in the contact centre and am a personal assistant to the manager who’s role has been disestablished. Many of us have been given mixed messages about our responsibilities within our current role changing in the new structure. It was confirmed just last Thursday that I have lost loads of scope in my current role which has me pretty disappointed. I have been placed in a pool of administration staff who are working to support ‘any manager’ – wow! It’s been tough trying to get my head around how they look at role titles and not the person in the role and to accept that they are changing our priorities.  This is a real shock and I have become quite upset about the whole thing.

It’s a tough time and a real eye opener. For me, I am making a connection to what I was taught at university. Only this time, its real not just a piece of written work.

Do I stick it out and hope that the scope of my role will get bigger? Do I take a risk and move into other work in another organisation?
Bridget x




Far from paradise

Last week Shayla and I embarked on our first journey to the pacific islands. We spent loads of time on google researching what we could do while on our holiday. We had this picture in our minds that reflected paradise.

After a month planning we flew three hours to reach our destination.

There is something about looking out a small oval window above the trees and clouds that is so exciting. It is as if you have never seen anything like it before. Well I guess we hadn’t.

Our first 24hours in Tonga – let me get creative here. We drove through living nightmares to reach the so called paradise.

Don’t get me wrong the sun was out, the heat was definitely in our face but this was no lively city. Imagine driving from the airport in the dark passing street markets, dogs and passing poverty. We drove on a back road in a small rental car with at 10kms over endless potholes and no street lights – good one google maps. We reached our accommodation one hour later – it should have taken you 30mins.

Our accommodation was right on the beach shore – the evident crashing of waves made the situation a little better. We could not wait to wake up in the morning to watch the sunset whilst lying on the beach.

Sunday morning.

We woke at 2pm, 4pm and 6am- the heat was not our cup of tea.  Our baked beans and cold fried eggs awaits us on our official wake at 9am. What a fantastic start to our paradise.

The next few days were much the same. We were hot. We were hungry. We were tired.

We drove for a hour a day passing houses with no windows and sheets for doors. We had only just missed some street dogs that own the roads- there were some that would not move and the way they engage eye contact with you truly speaks a desire for death. Many people stand at markets looking to get food at a reasonable price.

Now I could journal all the exciting things we did while in Tonga and believe me we saw some beautiful beaches, travelled to some beautiful islands and swam in caves but I will stop there. Tonga, like many of the cook islands and other countries around the world open your eyes to reality beyond our own. This year I have bought a new phone, laptop and Ipad so I can be up with new technology and in the know. What was going to happen if I did not get any of those new gadgets, probably nothing. Why did I? Because I know no different. The media tell us too. Our friends tell us to. Most importantly we tell ourselves we have to. My highest moments this year revolve around new toys such as the above. My lowest was realising that the people I saw in Tonga were never going to know how wealthy we live in countries like New Zealand. They live each day with what they have and in the conditions they are.

No one is equal. No one is ever always happy. We are who we can be.


The untold


The risk I took, I never told. 

A few years ago I let go of my biggest fear of my life. As a child I had a traumatic experience that involved a cliffe, rocks and deep cold water. You are going to think I am crazy. I did the one thing they tell you not to do- trigger bad memories on purpose. I fronted up to my fear and to my memory.

I went back to where it all happened. Some days it took me time to get out of the car. Some days I forced myself out and others I did a circle and drove home again. For those days that I made it out of the car I walked up to the edge of the cliffe and took a seat. With no-one around me all I could hear was the sound of the waves crash against the rocks. Talk about triggering a memory. There was mini panic attacks, loads of tears and some screaming but I did it. At 20, going on 21, I was able to walk up to that cliffe and breathe normally. The fear was gone. The memory, not so much, but hey least I was not afraid anymore.

Would a councillor have told me to face my trauma, no. Would my family and friends support you, probably not.  Did I take a risk, yes.

Lesson learnt: They will call themselves experts but the councillors, parents and friends in your world do not understand you like you. Make your own decisions for a better you.




His version of a heartbreak

Shes saying things she doesn’t mean
Threatens to leave
Blames me for her unhappiness
Stays out late
Distances herself

She won’t talk
Walks right past
Avoids conversation
There is no time for me


Today she left me
Cold and alone
Her belongings scattered
Taking what was needed
Was gone before I made it home

I fall to the ground
Head in my hands
My chest tightens
Eyes swell


I haven’t heard from her
Where is she?
I dial her number
but never make the call

Numb the feeling
Spend nights gaming
Long days working
Girls every weekend

Lets keep pretending
Nothing is wrong


She messaged me
I sensed relief
I feel hurt
This is worse.

Shes saying she means what she says
Wants to return
Apologises for the blame games
Promises commitment
Brings herself back to me



Priorities change 

Today I pressed a button I did not ever think I would. The button is known as failure to some. This button is known as ‘giving up’ to others. To me, this button confirms my priorities. 

The withdrawal button. 

For someone so ‘dedicated to my studies’ I am pretty shocked to be writing this today. My priorities have changed. I realise I am unable to master the life of Wonder Women. I realise I am unable to master all I do, really well. I realise my heart is not in my Masters studies anymore. 

It is not a complosary for me. It is not the end of my career. It is now up to me. 
I can currently succeed at work. I can soon excel. I can currently get things done. I can soon do more. I can commit to work. I can soon commit to fast development. 

A friend of mine keeps saying ‘do you’ and although it took 20 times to repeat this it finally sunk in. I am finally changing my priorities, for me. I let go of something my heart was not in anymore and am now focusing on the things I am proud of.  

Bridget x

Turning one page at a time

If you could have told me six years ago that this what I would have achieved by the age of 24 I would have laughed at you. At the age of 18 I was determined that I would own a house, have a long term relationship, a rewarding career and potentially even a child.  Here I am, only just hitting my career off the ground and making decisions based on maybes and the unknowns.

Many of my friends are engaged, married, pregnant or are a parent already. Your’s might be too.  I used to question if I was moving to slow and if I  was ticking the right boxes for a 24 year old. Over time I accepted that I am where I am because I did what I did to get here.

My story as a twenty something is  not what I anticipated it to be.
For me, establishing a career is alot harder than I thought.
For me, getting this far in my studies to only want to study more was never on the cards.
For me, having a home and being a mother is not a priority right now.

It is so important to be proud of what you have achieved. Give yourself time to reflect. Give yourself some time to be in the sun and under the stars. Life moves so fast and the people who go with it. Your friend may move in one direction and you may move in another. Put your heart into the things you love. Distance yourself from the people who bring you down.

Turn one page at a time.

 Bridget x




A chaotic decision

It’s nearly been a year since I made a choice to walk down a road without him. I convinced myself I could do all I wanted to do, alone. Somehow he was the only thing holding me back from being able to travel and move up in my career. Realistically the only thing holding me back from anything was my negative mindset and inability to blame myself.

He is normal twentysomething guy with a strong personality, desire to know all there is about technology and innovation and has a unique music taste. He has many friends. He is renowned for his ability to have fun. He teaches himself something new every day. He spent time on us. He sacrificed what he could for us to be happy. He truly loved me once upon a time.

We had been together for a few years and were fortunate enough to  share the experience of university and life on the farm. He lived in another city to me for a year and then worked in another city for another year. He came and spent most weekends with me. When university came to an end we moved in together twenty minutes from the city to live life on a farm. He was a dairy farmer and I moved into my role of communications and events in the city. Some would say we were set up well to start a family. Some would say we were set up for failure.

I would blame life on the farm for my unhappiness. The farm definitely wasn’t for me. I put it in my head that he wasn’t willing to move back into the city, even though he was. I blamed him for my uncertainty –  I wasn’t willing to let him help me through it.  One day, I gave up.

December last year I made the decision to let go of the one guy in my life who persevered with me through university. I made my decision in a time where I was unsettled. Through the chaos in my mind I decided to leave all we had, and him.


The first month was fine. Okay, it hadn’t sunk in properly. Two months in and boom emotions came out of nowhere. I was definitely by myself. My levels of motivation dropped significantly. My levels of confidence hit ground bottom. What had I possibly done? I had burnt a bridge and it was not going to repair itself any time soon.

I did not become a new person as people say you do – I just ran with life as it came. Some days I would cry. Some days I would laugh. Some days I would socialise. Some days I ran away. Some days I over achieved and others I would do the minimum. Turns out the next few months was really just one roller coaster ride I could not wait to be over.

I wanted to message him – he didn’t want to talk to me. .
I wanted to fix what I broke- no glue will put the pieces together the way they were.
I wanted him back- I was just feeling lonely.

Seven months later….

Today, I am fine. I don’t message him. I still care for him.
I have grown up. I am less selfish. I am happy.
I know he is happy without that girl I was and who I never want to be again.

Today, he is well. He doesn’t message me. I am sure he will care for me again one day.
He has grown up. He remains selfless. He is happy.
He knows he is happier without the girl I was back then.

I am still unsure what drove me to think I could do all without him or that I needed to leave him to ‘find myself’ – If I gave him the time to talk we may have gone further. I wanted more than I could even articulate. I wanted something I didn’t even know myself.

Bridget x