I struggle with wanting to do everything, all at once, with no real sense of direction or consistency.
Some days I will wake up and decide that I want to travel overseas, explore the earth and grow because of my experiences. Other days I will crave a family, children of my own that I can teach and learn from. My dreams never quite align with each other, you can’t really travel the world while raising children. Renovating a house isn’t possible without a stable income, so being a full time student so I can get my degree faster won’t happen. Studying full time for 3 years will prevent me from being able to travel AND have the family I desire. You see what I mean?
I try to envision myself in so many different scenarios, yet none of them truly feel like they’re “me” enough. It’s an awfully confusing situation to be in. I second guess so many life choices and wonder if I’m even on track to end up where ever I want this life to take me. My goals change daily. My bar is set a little higher as each moment passes.
It’s really weird going through life wanting so much while also knowing that it’s probably more than the future will bring. I want to do so many things, yet I know that I’ll only achieve a handful because of my overlapping priorities. I definitely believe that the grass is greener on the other side. I want to have an amazing life but I genuinely don’t know how to make it happen when I don’t really know what I want to do.